[Cue drum roll]
The Lame List 2016!: The books I read in 2016 that I wish I hadn’t.
10. The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett
What am I missing?
I didn’t feel the love for Discworld I was expecting. The color of Magic was weird, and the not-all-that-interesting story wasn’t enough to help get me past weird.
9, 8, and 7. The Queen of the Tearling, The Invasion of the Tearling, and The Fate of the Tearling by Erika Johansen
I kept on with the series because the story was intriguing. A kingdom of Queens and magic. Chosen ones who must learn to accept their role as hero. Immortal bad guys. Questions to be answered. Flashbacks that fill in the missing pieces of the story.
Then, the ending happened. It was awful, and with that ending all the annoyances came rushing back. All good will was lost.
Too much social commentary. Too much shade thrown at religion. Too much sex and language. Too much awful. Not enough awesome.
I wanted to know how it ended. Now I know.
My recommendation? Stay away.
6. The Wishing Spell by Chris Colfer
This book has a lot of fans.
I am not one of them.
I wanted to read it for my kids, and they might actually not hate it. But for Dad, forcing myself through the dry, high-school-English-class writing was terrible.
How it has a 4.2 avg rating on GR is beyond me.
5. Arena Mode by Blake Northcott
Area Mode could have been awesome…
…but it’s not.
Sometimes, if the story is compelling enough, it can overcome bad writing.
This, however, was not one of those times.
4. The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson
Boring plot. Unlikable characters. Awkward 1st person. The magic system was weird, abstract, and random. It’s almost like there wasn’t a story being told…things just happened.
There are a few things the author did very well. For example, I can tell you exactly the body type and attractiveness of each female character. I can tell you what, how much, and how often the main character ate. And–most importantly–I can tell you the color of eyes, hair, and definition of the jawline of each male character.
Oh, also…apparently, when it comes to male eye color, cinnamon is a valid color choice. I wonder what the abbreviation for cinnamon is on a driver’s license?
3. The Eye of Minds by James Dashner
The Eye of Minds (which is a completely meaningless title, as for as I can tell) was hard to read, full of boring characters, and shoved a weird plot down your throat.
It was oddly violent, too.
I’m sure James Dashner is a nice guy, I just don’t like his books.
2. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child NOT BY J.K. Rowling, “Adapted” (which means wrote fan fiction and turned it into a play) by John Tiffany and Jack Thorne
The haters have it right…there’s no way these words were written by J.K. Rowling.
The Cursed Child has plenty of magic. But it totally lacks magic.
Just over-hyped fan fiction. Move along, nothing to see here.
- Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas
I’m completely disgusted. I’ve recommended this series to so many people.
I take it all back.
About halfway through. . .
“She popped the third and final button free and he let go of her to toss his pants into the sand nearby, taking his undershorts with them. Her mouth went dry as she took in the sight of him.
“Rowan had been bred and honed for battle, and every inch of him was pure-blooded warrior.”
Ew. Barf. BARF.
I was warned about what came next, but I thought it surely couldn’t be that bad.
It was worse.
What used to be a fun series I was happy to recommend to my daughter skipped R and went straight to smut. I never finished this one. I heard from others who did finish it got worse and ended horribly.
Boo to the publisher for marketing this to teens. Boo to Sarah J. Maas for changing the rules half way through.